anaL: gooM raeD

Posted: August 1, 2008 in Dear Moog

It’s another time for an exciting episode of “Dear Moog”

Where giving good advice is the last thing on my mind.


…if that was such a high priority, then where would I put Lindsay Lohan?!

Think, dammit. THINK!

I am not responsible for any stupid sh*t you do to yourself or others as a result of taking any of my advice seriously. There, I think that covers it.

You’ve been warned.

Today’s letter comes from Lana:

Dear Moog,

Why do my fellow Canadians and I continue to deny Americans the truth?

That we do, in fact, ride dog sleds everyday, live in igloos, have pet beavers…ahem…. and that yes, YES! we DO know Dave from Toronto even though we live in Vancouver?

Why do we hide the truth from our neighbours in the south, eh?

Thank you,

Loquacious Lana

Someone from Canada!!!

Aloha, Lana!

First off, let me say:


(you have to speak slowly and loudly to these people)

Did you know Lana spelled backwards is “anal”?

Of course you did…the Eskimos have been teasing you about it all your life.

This explains your bitterness and the use of the word “loquacious” (which is Eskimo for “liking it in the out hole”).

But I digress…

Actually…I’ve been to Canada a lot.

This is surprising, because I had my ass handed to me on one of my earliest trips…but I don’t remember it because I blacked out.

However, come to think of it, I DO remember the guy calling me “Lana” a lot while he was pummeling me from behind.

Oh. Wait.

To answer your question: I have no idea.

You’d think they’d go to greater lengths to hide more important things, like:

1) Bryan Adams comes from Canada

2) So does Celine Dion

3) You call hats “tuques”

(pronounced “tooook”, which sounds slightly like “Mooooog” so I put it low on the scale here)

Really. Hide THAT shit. How f*cking embarrassing.

The rest we really don’t care about.

spleh ti epoh.


Hope it helps.

Moog out.


There you go! Yet another exciting episode!

I have a “Dear Moog” link on the top right of my page, or you can email me here.

Want bad advice? Want sh*tty answers?

You’ve come to the right place.

Drop me a line.

And don’t forget to check out my other articles at Scrivel.

Moog out.


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