A Stinky and Brown, Dick

Posted: December 14, 2007 in jobs, rants

The title will play itself out.

Bear with me.

Story #1: The Unfortunate Email

I feel bad for these guys…

…but I’m not sure why they haven’t changed their names yet.

Our email system, here at work, assigns addresses in emails as:

Last_Name, First_Name

As such, my email address always appears like this in emails at work:

ShortGuy, SuperHot

..which isn’t bad…because it works on a number of levels and is still pretty descriptive.

The issue here, though, is that we have two guys that work in this building named:

Dick Brown


Peter Brown

As such, any email that is sent to them, looks like this:

“To: Brown, Dick”


“To: Brown, Peter”

…I’m sure they know what it looks like.

Poor, stupid, stupid bastards.

Although, personally, I would have my email changed to Richard and Pete, respectively.

..I’m waiting for them to hire Johnson Brown.

“To: Brown, Johnson”


I’ve never met either one of these guys, but I’m sure I’d know it if I passed them in the halls…

…with the smell of sh*t eminating from their crotchal regions…

..I’m assuming that’s why it’s brown.

Story #2: How You Know When You Stink

My friend who sits in the cube next to me, got up to go to the bathroom/kitchen/whatever…

…point is..he left his cube.

He’s gone for maybe three, four minutes.

I watch him as he comes back, walks down the aisle and into his cube…

…he’s about to sit down…

When, suddenly, he starts FRANTICALLY waving his arms back and forth…

UGH!…What the…?!”

…he’s encountered some hideous, horrible, gut-wrenching smell…

GOD!..Mother of God!!

…and he’s desperately trying to waft it away…

…epileptic arm-waving style.


I start laughing.

As you see, the thing is…

NO ONE ELSE went into his cube.

Not ONE person.

I think he just got some fresh air while he was out…

…and upon returning…

…walked right into his very own stink.

So much of a stink, in fact, that he was convinced that I went into his cube and farted.

I did not.

I should have, now that I think of it.

But, alas, I did not.

He just smelled.

Apparently, he just smells.

And now, he knows this.

And no, it was not Barry.

I’m thinking he should maybe check to see if he has a Brown, Dick.


Sometimes funny sh*t just happens…

I’m usually lucky enough to be there when it does.

  1. >You and I must have something for crotches because that is what my post is about today! he heTrue story:My hubby use to know a guy named Richard Kurts. Now shorten the 1st name and say his full name real fast.Double dog dare you!

  2. Vanessa says:

    >I used to work with a guy named Eurik Hunt.To his parents defense, English was not their first language.

  3. Mimzie says:

    >My allergies have been kicking my ass lately so smelling for me has not been an option since about last Tuesday.

  4. GorillaSushi says:

    >I went to school with the oh-so-cliched Mike Hunt. He disappeared when we got old enough to realize…

  5. >At my former place of work, there were two guys that had terrible body odor. There’s usually at least one in every office, but we had two. They would make comments to other people about how the other one reeked of BO. Everyone would just snicker while holding their noses. How can you not smell your own funk??

  6. >Next time your cube neighbor goes to the john put a stuffed skunk on his desk while he’s away…

  7. >No word of a lie, I have a friend named Pat Micock

  8. [Un]Censored says:

    >Other unfortunate names, as listed earlier, Harry Johnson…Jack Goffanyone with the last name Butts or, one today, Weiner…I think the $200 to change your name would be hella worth it.http://peopleareawesome.wordpress.com

  9. >nice. i think dick rubright would be a great name for a porn star

  10. >I once worked with a Polish guy (he was newly to the US), and he once tried to kiss me. OMGH! He stunk of onions and cabbage. His name was Peter. Figures.Luckily, I could smell him a floor away and was never caught near him again.

  11. Eve says:

    >I went to school with a guy named Justin Case.

  12. clairec23 says:

    >Your workmates must dread reading your blog in case it’s them you have singled out for embarrassment today 😀 Nice work!

  13. BottleBlonde says:

    >How short are you, exactly? As long as a man’s mouth is level with my vagina, I’m happy.

  14. >When you have to work in a cubicle, you need to find humor in as many ways as possible. I never had the privilege, but I consulted for a lot of companies that had them. I liked to stand up and looked over the top; there were always a few other isolated peerers. The funniest thing that ever happened out on a job site was when, from one day to the next, an entire quandrant’s worth of cubicles completely disappeared as its inhabitants were forcibly moved from PA to NC. It wasn’t funny to them.

  15. Chelle B. says:

    >Oh my! My sides are hurting from laughing, literally. I may contact a lawyer.And to think just this morning I gave my Offender of the Year award to Joey the Phily Cheesesteak *wink wink* King! I even made him a glittery I HEART JOEY banner for my page too…but dang, he’s got NUTtin on you. 😉

  16. Biscuit says:

    >I have a friend whose employer does the same thing, but without the comma. His name is Eddie Wang. I don’t know what his middle name is, but it starts with an R. Ergo, he is wanger@. Close enough to make me giggle every time I email him.

  17. Prin says:

    >lol, indeed. Poor smelly bastid. 😀

  18. Buzzardbilly says:

    >I’m new to these parts, so I hadn’t read about Barry before either. LMAO!We had a coworker who used to use his pen to pick his ears during meetings, then he would get a really long look at whatever gold he’d been able to mine, then he slurp the pen off and start again. He would also pick under his fingernail with another fingernail, then examine and feast.

  19. >my 11 year old son likes his own stink too.Your poor co-workers really do need to change their names.

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